Thank You.

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time andtrouble to send me your chain letter E-mails over the past12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,blessed, and wealthy.I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the oneabout rat poop in the glue on envelopes, because I now haveto get a wet towel for every envelope that needs sealing.Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the samereason. Because of your concern, I no longer drink CocaCola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drinkPepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these productsare atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. Ino longer use Saran wrap in the microwave, because it causescancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones,because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.And, I no longer use cancer causing deodorants, even thoughI smell like a water buffalo, on a hot day. I no longer goto shopping malls, because someone will drug me with aperfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packagesfrom, nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex since they areactually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phonebecause someone will ask me to dial a number for which Iwill get an astronomical phone bill with calls to Jamaica,Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat KFC, because their chickens are actuallyhorrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers (Even thoughI have never eaten the eyes or the feathers in the firstplace). I no longer buy expensive cookies from NeimanMarcus, since I now have their recipe. I no longer worryabout my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out forme and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers myprayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends andmake a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sickgirl who is about to die in the hospital (for the1,387,258th time). I no longer have any money at all, butthat will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoftand AOL are sending me for participating in their specialE-mail program. Yes, I want to thank you for looking out for me. Iappreciate it so much that I will now return the favor!If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people inthe next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land onyour head at 2:00 PM (CST) tomorrow afternoon, and the fleasfrom twelve camels will infest your back causing you to growa large hairy hump. I know this will occur because itactually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor'sex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician. ~author unknown~